I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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