Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
