Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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