Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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