If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
