i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
