So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
