I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
