That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
