apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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