i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
