it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Randomize
