I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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