Having a random hookup so left but love u
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
