i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
