It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
