I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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