Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
