Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
You made out with two different species that night
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
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