Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
