Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
