if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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