There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
