I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I think I just shit out all my problems.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize