I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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