he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
