Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
