I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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