I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
