AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
