Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
it glows. i had to have it.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
