a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
