I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
