the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
im drinking this country out of the recession.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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