You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
