I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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