if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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