Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
