1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
This is not my ceiling
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
