Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
