so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
