Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
