My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Vodka?
Forever.
40s are totally the cure
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
