Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Randomize