we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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