Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
