I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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