I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
