Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
