wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize