i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
