Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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