Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
she peed on how many people?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
