for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
