I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
He has the fingertips of a God
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