my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
