Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
