i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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