We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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