and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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