I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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