I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
