I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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