Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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