shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
