Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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