no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
