Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Sober January is a disaster.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
