Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
