If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
We got so high we made milksteak
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
