Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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