Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
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