At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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