Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(971): View more from Oregon

I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.

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(504): View more from Louisiana

I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.

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(516): View more from New York

It was kind of weird

(857): View more from Massachusetts

What did your mom walk in?

(516): View more from New York

She flung her tampon across the room.

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(501): View more from Arkansas

She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know

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(607): View more from New York

flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final

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(734): View more from Michigan

So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.

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(850): View more from Florida

When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?

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(630): View more from Illinois

It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight

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(419): View more from Ohio

Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..

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