thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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