Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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