I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Randomize
