mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
