She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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