Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
There's a naked man in my car right now.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize