My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Randomize
