just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
