this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize