3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize