I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
