my mouth tastes like poor choices
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Please don't give away my fajitas
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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