I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
