were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
