You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
