ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
