can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
this boner is exhausting
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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