What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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