I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I want her autograph on my taint
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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