i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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