I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
