this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
