Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
