I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
