I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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