Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
