Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
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